Understanding legacy burdens in Internal Family Systems - Working with Legacy - what to keep, what to let go of
Cycle-breaking, legacy burdens, and parts-based practices
I ran a more experiential community drop-in in March 2024, working directly with our family histories using genograms and shared IFS practices to clear generational scarcity. Notes are here: https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/2024/3/22/scarcityunburdening
This talk/set of notes is a weaving of:
others’ research and teachings,
my lived experience as a UKCP psychotherapist, IFS practitioner, and family-history enthusiast, and
ongoing parts work around ancestral burdens and gifts.
I’m not positioning myself as the expert—this is for our local Stroud community. I learn by sharing, and I have parts that love teaching and being in community and collective Self energy.
In my own family lines (and my children’s) I can trace significant trauma and much goodness. Seeing the patterns helps me make sense of my tendencies—and invites me to become a cycle breaker. With IFS I can ask inside, meet parts and ancestors, sense what’s mine to carry, and release what is not. I can unearth legacy heirlooms and gifts, and come home to Self. This is an invitation for you to do the same—one small step at a time. The more of us who heal legacies, the healthier our communities become.
Please know if I write something that you’re not ok with, please do write and tell me and we can discuss, its important that each of us knows the impact we have on each other, I’m aware I’m a white cis woman of privilege, and although my intent is good, there may be ways I inadvertently hurt others. What hurts you, hurts me as Deran Young so eloquently put it. I may amend here, I obviously can’t amend the video.
Resources
Daniel Foor Ancestral Healing book and courses
IFS Innovations and Elaborations in Internal Family Systems Therapy Edited by Martha Sweezy and Ellen L. Ziskind - the Chapter on Legacy Burdens by Ann L. Sinko
IFS Talks – two talks on legacy burdens:
· Ann Sinko: https://internalfamilysystems.pt/multimedia/webinars/legacy-burdens-ann-sinko
· Osnat Arbel: https://internalfamilysystems.pt/multimedia/webinars/legacy-burdens-and-heirlooms-talk-osnat-arbel
Parenting and legacy burdens - Derek Scott, Deran Young and others https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJhlW1-Y_js
Collective Legacy Burdens – Dick Schwartz and Deran Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2Nm2lxZ1CU
Many Lives, Many Masters – Brian Weiss (past life therapy)
And I like this easy to read book:
It Didn’t start with you - how inherited family trauma shapes who we are and how to end the cycle. Mark Wollyn
NB. I’m not including here the intro into IFS from the Drop In (there’s much on the internet, some great introductions on youtube – look out for Dick Schwartz, Derek Scott. I have an introduction on my website https://youtu.be/wE5m_5RU91s and also a link to the ‘daily check in’ suggestion of Joanne Twombly. Also notes at the beginning of other talks, notably the polyvagal one)
Legacy Burdens, Heirlooms, and Gifts
I want to begin with legacy in the widest sense—not only the burdens, but also the gifts from our ancestors and original cultures. In many cultures, elders and ancestors are revered; stories are passed through generations; village life and community connection are central. As Linda Hogan notes, Mexico’s Día de los Muertos is a living example. Many of us have forgotten this reverence. What can we relearn?
I’m encouraging you to start (or continue) getting to know your ancestors and your overall legacies. Some legacies will be clearly positive; others may hold at least an original positive intention. Ask: What have I taken in? What am I passing on?
I like to picture the sheer improbability of our existence—all those who came before us. Yes, there was hardship; and there was also perseverance, humour, ingenuity, love. Britain’s population history means many of us descend from interlinked local communities (so our “ancestor maths” is more diamond-shaped than truly exponential). As the saying goes: “Suddenly all my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands.”
(For a simple overview of the “ancestor number” puzzle: https://news.legacyfamilytree.com/legacy_news/2016/08/how-many-ancestors-do-we-have.html)
Choosing relationship with ancestors
I invite you to look at Daniel Foor’s Ancestral Medicine. You don’t need a special calling to reconnect—you can choose it and learn it. You can initiate contact, find supportive ancestral guides, transform intergenerational patterns, and reclaim blessings and gifts. Repair work can catalyse change among living family members and help future generations live freer from burdens.
Personally, I can name many good things that have come through: fun, warmth, a love of animals, making home cosy, courage, a desire to explore—and, for a bit of fun, an inexplicable love of boats and water. It turns out all four of my grandparents carried migration legacies by sea—Ireland → Newfoundland, Germany → New York, England → South Africa, Sri Lanka → Barbados/Bahamas—out and back, on boats. (I’ll come to the burdens shortly.)
What are Legacy Burdens?
Personal burdens sound like: “I’m unworthy,” “I don’t deserve,” “I’m unlovable”—charges attached to experiences in our own lifetimes.
Legacy burdens, as Ann Sinko writes, often involve family values, rules, loyalties, and implicit contracts—“how we eat, how we grieve, what we’re allowed to feel or show.” They arrive through family narrative, cultural conditioning, and community norms, shaping everything from profession and partnership to separation guilt, self-care, health, and even how we die.
They also include what prior generations deemed unacceptable or shameful: showing affection, being vulnerable, having imperfections, speaking up, or diverging in sexuality/gender identity. These burdens are passed down through fear.
Sometimes legacy burdens are linked to catastrophic events carried forward as epigenetic memories—not DNA sequence changes, but changes in how genes are expressed. Popular summaries describe animal studies (e.g., fear responses to a specific odour across generations), and human work on stress transmission (e.g., cortisol patterns in babies of highly stressed parents). My own family includes a wartime story of a boat being bombed. The terror of that moment feels alive in my system. I also see legacies of leaving and not returning, cutting off from kin, disconnection from land. I recognise parts in me that can disconnect—and also a longing to belong. Long before I knew any of this, I wrote a PhD about origin and terroir. Not a coincidence.
Gifts vs Heirlooms
A helpful nuance (via Osnat Arbel):
Gifts are the good things passed down.
Heirlooms are the qualities revealed after a burden is released—often the original healthy intention that was distorted by trauma along the way.
Adoption
If you’re adopted, you may carry epigenetic echoes from biological parents and also absorb the legacies of your adoptive family. Both can be honoured and worked with.
Cultural Legacy Burdens
We also inherit cultural burdens. Deran Young and Dick Schwartz name racism, patriarchy, individualism, and materialism as dominant in the US context. In the UK, I would add class and the legacies of empire/colonialism. There’s also a long tradition of reserve, stoicism, silence; enduring deference to hierarchy (monarchy, unelected House of Lords, hereditary peerages); and, increasingly, polarised public language about immigration, gender, and equality.
Daily microaggressions—around race, gender, class, disability/ableism, sexuality—are part of this fabric. Because these patterns are woven into our structures, they can be hard to notice. This is collective trauma. IFS offers a framework for seeing how these programmes live inside us as parts and unburdening what no longer serves, so we can be cycle breakers with more ease and integrity. As Deran Young says: what hurts you, hurts me.
Passing down the legacy burdens… in epigenetic memories, a single trauma can be passed down 7 generations…
Several routes to finding our legacies
1) Osnat Arbel’s exercise: “Things my parents said, and my parts heard”
Set a timer for a few minutes and brainstorm messages you absorbed from parents/caregivers or influential figures (teachers, clergy, coaches, community leaders). Each person then chooses one message that hits deepest.
Examples of messages:
“Be strong.” • “Don’t make a fuss.” • “We don’t talk about money.” • “Big boys don’t cry.” • “Good girls are nice.” • “Keep the peace.” • “Don’t air dirty laundry.” • “Work harder.” • “Be perfect.” • “We look after our own.” • “Don’t trust outsiders.”What my parts heard:
Translate the message into the rule a part still enforces:
“Be strong” → Never show need.
“Don’t make a fuss” → Silence your feelings.
“Work harder” → Your worth = productivity.IFS step: Find the Manager who upholds that rule, appreciate its positive intent, and ask whose legacy it’s loyal to. With permission, follow the thread towards the burden underneath.
2) Ask inside (and, if helpful, add outer support)
Enter your “inner world” and invite ancestors, protectors, or guides to show you what’s been passed down—and what wants to be returned.
On your own: short IFS check-ins; parts dialogues; journalling after.
With support: buddy up; work with a therapist; take Daniel Foor’s Ancestral Medicine courses; attend a Family/Systems Constellations group.
Prompt questions:
Which rule or pattern feels oldest in my line?
Who (or what era/event) does this part feel loyal to?
If this burden could be returned respectfully, what gift might remain?
3) Ask living relatives (if safe and appropriate)
If parents, grandparents, or elders are alive and it feels wise to ask, invite story-gathering.
Gentle starters:
“What was most valued in our family?”
“What did people say we should never do?”
“Which times were hardest? Which skills got us through?”
“Who left, who stayed, and why?”
Hold boundaries: You don’t need to challenge or correct. You’re collecting threads. Note what’s said—and what’s not said.
4) Sketch a simple genogram (family tree with patterns)
Keep it rough. Squares for men, circles for women; add names, dates, places if known.
Mark patterns: losses, migration, addiction, mental health, money stories, secrecy, conflict styles, alliances, estrangements, repeated professions, illnesses.
Layer IFS: beside each pattern, note the Manager that enforced a rule, the Firefighter that coped, and any Exile feelings you imagine were carried (e.g., shame, grief, fear, aloneness).
One step at a time: choose one pattern to explore with parts this month.
A genogram … this one showing bipolar and addictions..
5) Research your family tree (and/or DNA)
You can explore your family tree on sites like Ancestry or similar. Once you go back a few generations, you may find other people have already done parts of the work. DNA testing can add clues about where your biological ancestors came from.
After you’ve gathered some facts, go inside: ask your parts what they notice or feel. Does any place, story, or surname spark something in your system? Let parts tell you what they know.
6) Spiritual routes (if this fits your worldview)
If you’re open to it, you might work with a shamanic practitioner or energy worker, request a soul reading, or explore previous incarnations. Invite guides and ancestors to share talents, gifts, and wisdom accumulated over lifetimes. Reflect on questions like: What did I come here to learn? What loops am I ready to complete? What can I remember and unlock?
I’m not an expert in this area, but my understanding is that as current-life, ancestral, and karmic loops and burdens are healed, we can live more fully into our life’s purpose. For interest: Frank Anderson now works in this realm (his husband is a medium), and Robert (Bob) Falconer has written The Others Within Us about IFS, porous mind, and spirit possession.
Questions to ponder (starters)
Health: Who had which chronic or acute illnesses in previous generations? If you have an illness, does its severity match your life experience—or might there be a legacy component?
Ownership: Is this energy/viewpoint mine? When did I start believing this? If the answer is “always”, it may be a legacy burden.
Addiction & mental health: Any patterns of substance use, compulsions, depression, anxiety, psychosis?
Rules & shame: What rules did your parents grow up with? What did they teach you—and what did your parts hear? Families often pass “rules of shame” (control, perfectionism, blame, denial, unreliability, secrecy). When are you “meant” to stay silent? When to speak up? What does “devotion to family” mean in your line?
Identities & power: Views of gender, race, sexuality, class, individualism/materialism, colonialism/empire. Who was anxious or depressed? Where was there sexual or physical abuse?
Trauma & loss: Who went to war or lived through catastrophe? Where was the darkness?
Light: Where were the good things—joy, humour, creativity, adventure, community, connection?
A live example (accountability and cycle-breaking)
Parts of me want to self-disclose and be accountable; other parts would rather I kept quiet. I’ve reassured them that I, Self, am here at the centre and we can share what feels right.
My dad’s side: Irish and German immigrants to Newfoundland and New York. Poverty, loss, lack of belonging in the 1800s/1900s “melting pot”. A cousin (Ned Harrigan) performed in minstrel shows and later wrote satirical immigrant sketches—racist entertainment. My dad later grew up in the US South, where racism was rife. It’s not surprising these views were handed down.
My mum’s side: privilege and colonial legacies. I’ve traced links to plantation ownership and the slave trade—perpetrating superiority, dominance, resource appropriation, enslavement. In my IFS work I’ve met my own perpetrator parts—racist, colonial, disdainful—who protected ancestors who were fundamentally frightened and far from home. Understanding isn’t excusing; it’s how I stop the pattern and become a cycle breaker.
Internal Family Systems lets me name these burdens, meet the parts, and return what isn’t mine to carry—so I don’t pass it on to my children or my community, and so I can be a better ally to friends and colleagues from the global majority.
It is easier to digest “parts that carry racist/classist burdens” than “I am a racist/classist.” I can also meet the parts that want to deny, minimise, or look away. Deran Young and Dick Schwartz advocate doing this work in collective spaces; perhaps we can hold such spaces in our Stroud community. If you’d like to join me, let’s organise it.
A note of hope: if 80% of your depression is legacy and 20% is personal, clearing the legacy portion can make the remaining 20% far more manageable. The same goes for certain chronic symptoms or stuck viewpoints.
Big caveat: if you are in present danger (emotional or physical), it may not be safe to unburden certain legacies yet. Keep defences that are protecting you now. Check what feels right inside.
How to unburden (practical tools)
Three simple visual aids
Percentage pie: Draw a circle and, without overthinking, shade the slice that feels inherited (vs personal/cultural) for the feeling/belief you’re exploring.
Three piles: Imagine piles labelled personal, family, culture. Place handfuls of the burden into each, by felt sense.
Window/fire/sea: If you’ve “swallowed” something, you can spit it out (Seth Kopald’s child-friendly image). Open a window and let it fly, write it down and burn it, or throw the sand-bag into the sea (in imagination).
Ann Sinko’s lineage-friendly sequence (adapted)
Do inherited first. Protectors are often more willing to give up what doesn’t belong to “us”.
Check concerns. Ask parts if unloading feels disloyal or identity-threatening; address their fears; offer a safe space while you proceed.
Invite the line. Call in ancestors known and unknown, in Self leadership (their highest, least-burdened potential). If parts resist, you can skip or modify this step.
How do you feel toward them? If there’s enough Self energy, continue.
Witness (if needed). Legacy burdens often don’t need detailed witnessing because they’re not your story.
Include your children (if you wish). In spirit, invite them to hand back the inherited portion to you in a container.
Hand it back up the line. You pass it to your parents; they pass it back to theirs; and so on. If someone in the line can’t receive it, pause and do brief IFS with them (imaginally) until there’s enough unblending.
Release at the source. Ask the ancestor at the top how they wish to unload it—fire, water, wind, earth, light—and honour the hardships that created it.
Invite the return. Welcome back the qualities that got pushed out by the burden (e.g., tenderness, play, rest, belonging).
Thank and tend. Thank everyone for showing up. Afterwards, light a candle, offer a small gesture of respect, and keep the relationship alive.
Closing
We have a framework. We can look bravely at what’s in the shadows, decide what is truly ours, and return the rest. Keep the songs and courage; release the shame and silence. Become cycle breakers—kindly, steadily… in community and together.
