Why we run Community IFS Circles and why Collaborative IFS Matters

I often get asked why I devote so much time and energy to running Community IFS Circles.

Part of the answer goes back to something Dick Schwartz said when I trained with him on Level 3. He encouraged us to start our own local Self-led communities so that Self energy could ripple outward. A invitation to create a small warm flame that others could gather around and pass onwards into their families and communities and beyond.

I have always cared about grassroots connection. Collaborative IFS feels like a natural extension of that. It offers something many of us rarely experience. A place where we can be witnessed and where we can witness others. A place where we do not have to keep the professional mask on or pretend we are unaffected. A place where our nervous system can regulate together - here I can soften. Here I can breathe. As Ram Dass said, we are all just walking each other home.

For me this also includes a neurodivergent lens. Many of us who are autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent know what it is like to mask. We know the labour of trying to fit our inner pace to the world around us. Community IFS offers something different. A space where people can arrive exactly as they are. No social performance. No forced eye contact. No pressure to speak. Just the gentle possibility that your system might be welcomed, not managed. Invitation flows through everything in IFS

These groups are a meeting place for IFS and IFS-informed therapists and coaches - as well as non professionals, to come together, share their Self energy, and stay connected in community. It gives anyone curious about IFS a chance to meet therapists and practitioners in a relaxed, human way before deciding whether therapy or coaching might be a good fit. There is something powerful about seeing how different people hold the model, how they speak about their work, and how they show up in relationship. These circles offer a low-pressure doorway into that so a space to feel, and choose what feels right for you.

Years spent in twelve step rooms also taught me how powerful it is to sit in circles. Healing happens differently in community. I see this not only in myself but in others who may normally find groups overwhelming. The structure of the groups, the pacing, the tone, the quality of Self energy in the room makes it possible for many neurodivergent nervous systems to settle rather than shut down. Even my Oura ring shows it. My metrics drop into “relaxed” and “restored” during the circles. Connection restores me rather than draining me.

Another reason I run these circles is that most of us did not grow up with clear relational skills. We absorbed fairy tales that ended with happily ever after, but nothing in between. Many of us suffered neglect or abuse of some kind. Our culture uses shaming to discipline children.

Terry Real speaks about the Centre of Health, the grounded middle where we are neither walled off nor boundaryless, neither collapsed in shame nor inflated. IFS, Polyvagal, IFIO and RLT all offer tools for this. And when we add a neurodivergent lens, we begin to understand how sensory needs, pacing, processing speed and divergent communication styles shape connection too. Community becomes the place where we can practise all of this slowly and safely.

This month our circles explored Choice, the unofficial ninth C of Self. People described their experience as rich connection, witnessing, being witnessed, relatable, joyful, peaceful and co-regulating.

We raised donations for The Long Table, the Grace Network and CCP pantry. These small acts of community care matter.

Next year in our circles our theme is Navigating Relationships. We will weave a solid foundation of IFS with Polyvagal, IFIO and RLT and a neurodivergent informed perspective throughout. I have also created four Relational Maps to support the journey. These are available both on my website and as printed copies at the circles.

At the heart of it, I run these circles because community is a form of medicine. I know our nervous systems are built for co-regulation. individualism has never helped anyone thrive. Also both neurotypical and neurodivergent people benefit when we gather, slow down, and remember that we do not have to heal alone.

If you would like to join us, you are welcome.