Self Energy and the nervous system - how combining polyvagal theory enhances IFS
A Brief Introduction to IFS
So… what is Internal Family Systems?
There’s a lot of good information out there—YouTube has some excellent introductions, especially from Dick Schwartz (who developed the model) and Derek Scott. I keep an updated list of resources on my website: www.stroudtherapy.com.
At its heart, IFS offers a way of understanding ourselves that honours both our multiplicity and our wholeness. When combined with Polyvagal Theory, the two models work synergistically—helping us address trauma, regulate emotions, and create deeper mind–body awareness.
IFS starts with this simple idea: we are all made up of many parts—little personalities inside us who are trying to look after us, or who are younger selves carrying pain and longing for healing.
And then there’s you—the subject of this talk.
It is a fundamental of IFS that we each have a core Self, and the Self is never broken. One of the main aims of IFS is restoring you, the Self, to the centre of your internal system—what we call Self leadership.
The Qualities of Self
Self shows up through certain qualities, sometimes called the 8 Cs:
Calm, Clarity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, Connection, Curiosity, Compassion.
Dick Schwartz enjoys alliteration, so there are also the 5 Ps: Patience, Persistence, Perseverance, Presence, and Playfulness.
Others have expanded the list further: qualities like flow, wisdom, open-heartedness.
And Sarah Bergenfield, writing about the autistic Self, highlights qualities such as regulation, ease, safety, aloneness, and contentment.
I imagine we each have our own unique balance of these qualities. Julia Sullivan (2010) described two ways of holding Self:
The here-and-now Self—you, at your current age, with all your capabilities and life experience, embodied in the present moment.
The timeless Self—the seat of consciousness, core spiritual Self, ageless and connected beyond you—what Dick Schwartz often points to when he talks about Self as a wider field connecting us all.
Self and Parts
What we aim for is a two-way relationship between Self and parts. Self becomes the driver of the bus, the chair of the meeting, the conductor of the orchestra. Or, as I sometimes say, the sun shining behind the clouds of our parts.
We don’t in IFS “chase” Self—it’s innate, always there. Our work is to unblend: asking parts to give us some space so Self can step forward.
Parts fall broadly into three groups:
Managers: proactive protectors who try to keep us safe and looking good. Examples: the inner critic, the sceptic, the planner, the analyser, the judge, the blamer, or the numbing manager who keeps feelings at bay.
Exiles: younger parts carrying burdens of pain or shame. They hold beliefs such as “I’m worthless,” “I’m a failure,” “I’m not enough,” or “I’m too much.”
Firefighters: reactive protectors who step in when exiles are triggered, to distract or soothe urgently. Examples: rage, fog, dissociation, over-scrolling, alcohol, drugs, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, or fantasy. They’re often misunderstood, but they’re trying to help.
All of these parts took on their roles to protect us—usually in childhood—after trauma, rejection, or helplessness. Their intentions are good, even when the effects are difficult.
The Point of IFS
So why do IFS? We can think of it in four steps:
Restoring Self leadership—re-establishing trust in Self at the centre of the system.
Forming secure internal attachment—building a loving, balanced relationship with parts so they no longer have to act in extreme roles.
Unburdening—healing the parts of us that carry pain, as well as releasing cultural, societal, and familial legacy burdens.
Expanding Self energy outward—bringing more Self into our relationships, our communities, and the wider world.
Practising IFS
We’ll try a simple practice together in a meditation shortly. There are also many recorded meditations available—on Insight Timer and elsewhere.
You can explore IFS by:
practising alone with resources (such as the 6 Fs protocol and parts questions available on my website),
joining the Stroud WhatsApp Buddy Up group to practise locally with someone else,
finding an IFS or IFS-informed therapist,
or connecting in IFS online communities, such as the Facebook practice groups.
IFS is best done in connection with others. We heal and thrive in relationship—we need co-regulation, mirroring, and to bathe in each other’s Self energy. A buddy, a therapist, or a safe group makes the work more grounded and sustainable.
A Short Invitation
So let’s pause.
Close your eyes, or soften them. Breathe a little slower and deeper. Turn your attention inward. Notice what shows up.
You might hear a part, see an image, feel a sensation.
Can you be curious? Can you find a little space to meet what arises?
Ask: Who does this part think I am? How do I feel towards it? What is it trying to do for me? What is it afraid of? How old is it? How old does it think I am?
If it feels right, you might even say: “I’m sorry I haven’t been around, but I’m here now. I’d like to be trustworthy, if you’ll give me the chance.”
This is the beginning of IFS: forming relationships inside—with protectors first, then, when it feels safe, with your younger parts too.
So… how does IFS relate to the nervous system? How does Polyvagal Theory enhance IFS? And what’s this got to do with you? If you’d like more background, I recommend Deb Dana’s talks on IFS + Polyvagal, and Seth Porges’ “Nerd Nite” overview of Polyvagal Theory.
Bringing IFS and Polyvagal together is practical and humane. It gives us a shared language for state, safety, and connection—and a map for finding our way back to Self when we’ve been pulled off-centre.
Why integrate Polyvagal with IFS?
Snapshot of “where I am.”
Mapping your current state (ventral, sympathetic, dorsal) is a compassionate starting point. It reduces self-judgement and hopelessness—especially in dorsal—because you know which levers might help, and when to ask others to co-regulate.Returning to ventral in the moment.
Recalling a felt memory of ventral (a rainbow, holding someone you love, a safe childhood moment) or using heart-centred breathing can help re-anchor regulation. Smoother heart rhythms typically reflect greater balance; practices that evoke sincere, heart-focused feeling can support this.Recovering after triggers.
When protectors are activated, you can shift state deliberately and recruit co-regulation: find a warm, steady nervous system (what I call “Self energy” in another) and let your system settle.Radical Self-care that rebuilds tone.
Short daily practices—breath, body awareness, gentle check-ins with parts—can support trauma recovery and, over time, improve vagal tone. Do this both alone and with others; Self energy plus co-regulation is powerful.Spreading safety.
Be a safe person—and let others be safe for you. We are wired for connection. Born in relationship, wounded in relationship, we can heal in relationship. This is personal work with community impact.
The Polyvagal platform (under every therapy)
Polyvagal Theory sits underneath our models—a biology of connection and protection. It restores flexibility: when I’m pulled out of Self, I can notice that, support my system, and find my way home enough to be with a part rather than in it.
Three pillars:
Hierarchy (ventral → sympathetic → dorsal);
Neuroception (non-conscious detection of safety/danger);
Co-regulation (a biological imperative).
And the vagal brake—a brainstem-to-heart circuit influencing heart rate—that we can learn to modulate.
A gentle “ladder” exercise
Noticing where you are on the ladder:
Sympathetic (mobilised): recall a mildly activating scene (just a flavour). “The world is… I am…”
Dorsal (shut-down): recall a time of low energy. “The world is… I am…”
Ventral (connected): bring the full felt sense. “The world is… I am…”
Always finish in ventral.
How parts often show up across states
Ventral: not identical to Self, but Self often emerges here. Managers in service of Self may operate from ventral (Self-like parts), with breath and flow available.
Sympathetic (survival): active firefighters (rage, running, high-seeking), and managers who “do/think/control” (catastrophising, perfection, hypervigilance).
Dorsal (survival): firefighters that numb/dissociate; exiles often feel mapped here (shame, worthlessness).
Freeze (between sympathetic and dorsal): hyper-activated yet stuck.
Fawn (blend of sympathetic + dorsal): appeasing to stay safe.
Ventral + sympathetic: enlivened, creative drive—mobilised but connected.
Ventral + dorsal: restorative solitude—“dorsal rest,” replenishing and genuinely okay.
A real-life vignette (filing, panic, and co-regulation)
I recently lost a document. As I searched, I slid into sympathetic arousal—executive function offline, breath gone, protectors blazing. A scheduled call with a friend became co-regulation: their warm, steady presence helped me slow down, name my state, and notice my managers (“get it right / they’ll judge you”) and firefighters (“filing is intolerable—run”). Underneath: a little one in dorsal, ashamed and overwhelmed.
Together we imagined taking a lift back to ventral. From there I could speak for parts, update them, and bring a practical, kind plan to the task (with rests, and permission to be imperfect). Later I found the form—in the car, next to some apple cores. The point isn’t perfection; it’s remembering we can move between states, and that support helps.
What to do with all this (choose what fits today)
First—breathe and locate.
Make a breath map. If flat/low, gently lengthen the in-breath. If rushed/anxious, lengthen the out-breath a few cycles. Heart-focused breathing: place attention in the chest, inhale/exhale a little slower, evoke a renewing feeling (calm, care, gratitude), then radiate it to your parts and outward.
Say hello to parts.
Round the campfire, so to speak. Ask protectors for a little space. If sympathetically activated, consider organised movement: walk, swim, cycle, dance, even “clean the oven.” With someone, if possible—co-regulation counts. Then gently “apply the brake” and let parasympathetic rest arrive.
If down-regulated.
Check: is this restorative (ventral + dorsal)? If yes, enjoy it. If heavy/lonely (dorsal alone), offer company—yours or someone else’s. Tiny movements, audiobooks or gentle comedy, soothing anchors (greens/blues, candle, a pet). Permission to rest. Slow down.
Practise state-shifting.
As Deb Dana teaches, once you’ve named a state and listened a while, you can choose to leave it: take the lift up the ladder, climb a tree, step by step—with parts alongside.
In summary
Ventral and Self are not exact synonyms—but Self often becomes available as ventral increases. We can support our nervous systems and do IFS: breath practices, pacing, co-regulation, and regular connection. Lists help, but what reshapes us most is repeated, safe connection with another human (or warm mammal). Vagal tone can change over months and years. As we do our IFS work with integrity, we naturally emit cues of safety—supporting others’ systems too. That’s collective Self energy in action.
I hope you’ll enjoy forming secure inner attachment—Self to parts—and adding nervous-system supports alongside. Do it solo and in community. We need each other.
