IFS and The Never Again Team - Anticipatory Scouts

Hello everyone,

Today I’m talking about our anticipatory scouts—the NEVER AGAIN team. The term comes from Act 4 of Martha Sweezy’s Shame Cycle (see: https://marthasweezy.com/
). I’ve recorded a 10-minute video on these prevention managers from an IFS perspective. After that, my parts and I wanted to widen the lens—bringing in IFS + polyvagal ideas (including the fawn response), culture/society and power dynamics, and the realities of unmasking in neurodivergent community: finding safe-enough spaces, noticing our co-created relationship dynamics, asking “Where do I encourage someone else’s NEVER AGAIN team?” and “How can I be an ally to those who aren’t yet safe enough to unmask or let these scouts step back?”

We’ll finish with some practice ideas for working with your wonderful Self—updating your NEVER AGAIN team and taking baby experiments with safe-enough people. The final 15 minutes aren’t strictly IFS (these parts have a definite activist streak!). I close with a poem that some of my parts love and some don’t—curious what you and your parts notice.

So… what are these preventative managers—the NEVER AGAIN team, the Anticipatory Scouts? They’re parts that protect the system by scouting for potential threats—often through worry, planning, or pre-emptive control of future events. They are hypervigilant and work to avoid danger or discomfort by shaping situations before they arise.

According to Martha Sweezy, these proactive managers protect us from feeling shamed, criticised, or judged. They help keep at bay those awful feelings of not good enough, worthless, or ashamed—the burdens our exiles have taken on.

As ever, I’m not the expert—I’m gathering and synthesising in my usual enthusiastic way. I’m certainly not an expert on your system. What do you think? Treat this as an invitation to look inside and see what fits. Don’t take my words as truth—chew on them. Keep what helps; leave the rest.

Last year we explored Martha Sweezy’s Shame Cycle in 6 Acts from her excellent book IFS for Shame and Guilt. Notes and video are here: https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/shameifs
I’ve also made a pictorial version that helped me understand the cycle.

The Shame Cycle

To briefly recap, Martha Sweezy outlines six acts in the Shame Cycle:

1. Something bad happens.
   An authority figure shames you, sending the message that you are bad. This can be overt criticism or neglect/abuse (physical, verbal, or sexual). The child learns that natural emotions—joy, anger, exuberance—are unwelcome. It’s not just the behaviour that’s unacceptable; they are told they are unacceptable.

2. Acceptance.
   The child believes they are bad and internalises this as identity: I’m worthless, unlovable, wrong, too much/too little, weak, evil. This belief is an adaptive way to make sense of a chaotic world, but it leaves deep scars.

3. Inner Critics.
   Critics go large. Self-blame escalates and the internal shamer mimics the external one: Something’s wrong with me. Anger is turned inward to regulate shame; intrapsychically the victim becomes the perpetrator.

4. Anticipatory Scouts.
   Proactive managers scan for future shame and criticism—both external and internal. They pre-empt, plan, and control to avoid anything that might trigger shame.

5. Warrior Mutiny.
   Shame is deflected outward by shaming others. Interpersonally, anger is pushed outwards to regulate shame. The internal victim becomes the external perpetrator (a firefighter move).

6. Soothing Rescue Squad.
   Self-soothing and distraction without regard for cost—numbing, medicating, and avoiding to keep pain and shame at bay.

Anticipatory Scouts (Act 4)

Act 4’s anticipatory scouts live by the motto “Never again.” Constantly on high alert, they warn us off actions that might evoke shame. They are vigilant gatekeepers tracking both internal vulnerability and external danger—eyes out and in. Their logic:

• Reputation: Hide. Do it right. Fit in.

• Belonging: Survive by conforming to norms—what to wear, how to speak, what to value, who to be with.

• Pre-emption: Imagine, revisit, and rehearse; dredge up past scenes to forecast future humiliation; anticipate complaints, criticism and rejection (from others and internal managers).

• Control: Improve the system by taking charge now, so we’re never blindsided again.

They are self-generating: the more they warn, the more reasons they find to keep warning. “A hologram is better,” they say—project the safest version of you.

The cost:

• They manufacture anxiety and keep exiles locked away, which often triggers firefighters in response.

• They can drive fawn/appease strategies, abandoning our needs to manage others’ comfort—raising stress, harming health and relationships.

• They may push conformity that eclipses compassion, keeping us popular at the price of authenticity.

The way through (IFS): Self-compassion.

• Find the part in/around your body.

• Focus on it; notice sensations, images, impulses.

• Flesh it out; ask how it shows up and what it’s like.

• Feel how you feel towards it; if there’s judgment, ask those parts to give you a little space.

• Befriend it: appreciate its protective intent; learn its hopes and fears; ask who it protects.
  Over time, it may allow you to be with the vulnerable one it guards—the part that took on I’m not good enough—and let that one know you’re here and you care.

Bringing in Polyvagal: Fawn as a Mixed State

I love Janae Elizabeth (Trauma Geek)’s piece on fawning—the trauma response that’s easiest to miss. I often see a bridge between anticipatory scouts and fawn. On the surface, fawn can look like ventral social engagement—friendly face, warm tone, easy compliance—but internally it’s a survival strategy. Self is not leading.

Fawn often blends sympathetic (mobilise) and dorsal (submit/shut down). It can feel like pressing the accelerator while the handbrake is on: we appear engaged while our system runs a hidden threat response.

I see a connection in my Anticipatory Scouts to the fawning response. How about you? There’s something really interesting for me here… These parts might look like Ventral Vagal relaxed social engagement… thriving … but they are actually survival trauma responses… Our facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language might seem friendly and accommodating, but internally, we are on both high alert and submit and Self is not in the lead… .It’s exhausting to maintain this facade of social engagement while feeling disconnected from Self

Janae Elizabeth points out that this response (in our language.. maybe … ‘part’) involves both sympathetic and dorsal activation,   A little experiential, hopefully not too stressful, just to illustrate a fairly benign one… if you’d like to do this with me, no worries if not, imagine someone wanting to take a photo of you… parts of you are not particularly keen. how are your cheeks feeling… whats happening to your body? Tense? Alert? Collapsed/submit… Frozen? what do you do? .  For me it's like pushing the accelerator while the emergency brake is engaged. This creates a state where we appear socially engaged but are actually in a survival mode.

I doodled the diagram below… I see fawn now as a combo of states not just submit… What do you experience in your own system?

 Power dynamics, privilege, culture — and safety

These parts are deeply woven into our social, religious, and cultural fabric. In many Western contexts, especially at work and in public life, obedience and fawning behaviours are often rewarded or expected. From a young age we’re taught to be agreeable, to smile, and not to rock the boat. This conditioning prioritises others’ needs over our own, perpetuating cycles of self-neglect and anxiety.

Those in positions of authority (bosses, teachers, police, religious leaders, parents) and those with privilege may not recognise these parts for what they are—a survival response. Instead, they may read our anticipatory scouts as genuine agreement or respect, which erodes authentic connection and understanding.

I want to emphasise the impact of power relations and privilege around gender norms, class, race, disability, and neurotypical standards.

Privilege and safety. Are you in a safe-enough environment? Many of these behaviours arise from abuse—past and present. Those of us with difficult childhoods may find ourselves in relationships that echo those dynamics. If you’re surrounded by shaming, blaming, or the threat of violence—even fatal violence—then these protectors may need to keep doing their vital jobs. It may simply not be safe to ask them to relax, step back, or release legacy burdens. They may be exhausted—and rightfully cautious.

The invitation here is for parts to meet Self, who can be present whatever happens, to support discernment. “What’s safe for me here, now, in this moment?” You might continue the deeper healing internally—tending to old memories and exiled feelings—while staying very safe in the present.

Who you surround yourself with matters. Some of us can move away from those who cannot allow us to be ourselves; others, even as adults, have fewer choices. In many environments it is dangerous to disagree, to disappoint, or to be yourself. So: discernment. Ongoing conversations inside. Listen to parts’ intentions and concerns, and also their impact on you. Decide from there.

Looking at my own power and privilege: where am I “one up” and where am I “one down”? Those of us with privilege may meet parts that have “power over” or superiority. There’s an invitation to question inside whether these parts serve our wellbeing and our communities. Notice if you catch someone else in an anticipatory scout—do a U-turn. Where is the power dynamic here? I have parts that exert power over. It’s been important for me to meet my own cultural and familial legacy burdens and to notice where my parts might “encourage” others’ anticipatory scouts to intensify—class, race, disability vs privilege. In my view, it’s on us to do the moving here (for me, Self-as-activist sits alongside rescuing parts and some neurodivergent justice/honesty traits). My own trauma and protectors—warrior mutiny, shaming, criticising, judging, forcing, being superior—can elicit scouts in others. Let’s befriend these parts. Their intentions are understandable; their effects can be harmful. There’s a rich literature on working with inner superiority/privilege.

The challenge

IFS tends not to leap to solutions. A part of me still wants to offer a few. We’re aiming for healing downstream; as Martha Sweezy suggests, we can invite parts to try experiments. Many of our littles long for authenticity and for you to be you. Consider inviting meetings with parts and updating them: our limbic systems may still think we’re five. Let them see you now—with options and choices. Call in support—your safe-enough community—and try small experiments.

We need external community in a culture that shames and blames and is structured around power differentials. Seek support; each of us needs a safe-enough circle: who can you be yourself with, and who is safe-enough with you? Then try small, Self-led experiments.

I love IFIO (Intimacy from the Inside Out, Toni Herbine-Blank). Where can I experience being seen—and seeing another—fully: vulnerabilities, strengths, and limits? Warts and all.

Can I be fully myself and still be loved by you?
This sits at the centre of my couples work and fits here. How can we speak for our parts and act in ways that are authentic?

An invitation to meet with supportive individuals or groups who understand and validate your experience—and then try it out. Baby steps.

I highly recommend Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price. Applicable to all of us, neurodivergent or not. From p.205, questions to identify “safe-enough” people:

• Who do I feel comfortable expressing disagreement to?

• Who helps me think about my opinions and choices non-judgementally?

• Who tells me honestly when I’ve hurt them, and gives me a real opportunity to do better?

• Who treats me with respect no matter what?

• Who leaves me feeling rejuvenated or inspired?

• Who brings out the wild, playful side of me?

• Is there anyone I want to try being more open and unfiltered with?

On p.189 there’s a helpful table of “everyday challenges”; I’ve adapted it below as gentle, Self-led experiments. Check in with your parts; titrate; update as you go. “That was back then; this is now.” Ten minutes? No? Five? Two? Self is there regardless.

Everyday unmasking: daily challenges

• Notice somatically when you feel pressured to do something you don’t wish to do. Say hi inside. Let them know you notice.

• When a friend asks how you are, invite parts to trust you and offer a more honest answer.

• Take a small action without seeking external approval first.

• Ask for something small that feels edgy for some parts.

• Practise disappointing someone safely: “No”, “I’m not available”, “I’m uncomfortable with that”, or “I need to go now”—without explanation or apology. Try a mini role-play.

• Express a small disagreement in a safe-enough setting where you’d usually nod along to keep the peace.

Overall, we’re building capacity to be misunderstood. Internal secure attachment comes first. This widens our freedom to choose our own path and values. You may have more choices now; it may be less dangerous to be yourself than it was growing up. Listen to anticipatory scouts, notice any fawning response, then meet the polarised parts that dislike or rebel against it. Self-to-Part and Part-to-Self connection—step by step—brings us closer to coming home to ourselves and living more authentically.

Setting boundaries. Invite parts to notice and trust you, and—if it feels right—practise small boundaries in safe-enough contexts. There will be bumps; this is still deeply rewarding. Root in Self, connect with your inner community, then with your outer one. We can live more Self-led, authentic lives.

It’s very much my view that those of us with privilege are invited to awareness of power dynamics—and, where it feels right, to unburden our own legacies, working with parts and leading with Self, with open-hearted presence. We can listen and be allies to those living with power imbalances, sometimes lending Self’s courage and confidence to voice what others cannot. Behind others’ anticipatory scouts there is often hidden vulnerability; meet it with kindness and care.

A closing poem

I have parts that love this and others that react to it, worried it “takes sides” against fawn/scouts. What happens for you?

Each Noble Step

No more fawning to diffuse conflict.
No more shifting your presence to please,
appease, and just get through the situation one more time.

No more taking responsibility for the negative behaviors
of other people, or emotionally checking out on yourself
to accommodate everyone else.

It is a process.
It may require support.
And it takes time, awareness, and care to boundary
and balance within and take sovereignty
of your own internal territory,
where each noble step brings you closer
to coming home to you,
the Beloved.

— from Susan Frybort, Look to the Clearing: Poems to Encourage

Bibliography

• Internal Family Systems Therapy for Shame and Guilt (2023) — Martha Sweezy, Richard C. Schwartz

• Unmasking Autism: The Power of Embracing Our Hidden Neurodiversity (2022) — Devon Price

• The Pain We Carry: Healing from Complex PTSD for People of Color (2022) — Natalie Y. Gutiérrez; foreword by Jennifer Mullan

On fawning:

• https://www.traumageek.com/blog/fawn-the-trauma-response-that-is-easiest-to-miss

• https://www.modernintimacy.com/fawn-response-trauma-response-reason-for-people-pleasing-behavior/ (Dr Kate Balestrieri)

Thank you.