Three Relational Maps - one shared purpose
If you’ve been to one of our IFS Healing Circles, you’ll know that we often talk about connection — to ourselves, to one another, and to the wider web of life and next year our main focus is around relationship. When we’re lost in the tangle of relationship patterns, it can be hard to see where we are, let alone how to find our way back to connection.
That’s where The Relational Map comes in.
These three versions of the map — Mythical, Youth (Original Clear English), and soon Neurodivergent Edition — were all created to help you see where you are in relationship: whether you’re blended with parts or shining from your wonderful wise adult, Self, whether you’re standing tall and connected, walled off, boundaryless, one-up, or one-down. Each offers a slightly different doorway into the same terrain — a way to navigate those tricky relational moments with more curiosity, compassion, and choice.
The Mythical Relational Map
A4 Designed by me, Natasha Wilson and illustrated by Isaac Thompson Gibbs
The Mythical Relational Map. A beautifully illustrated, heraldic-style guide to the inner and outer landscapes of relationship.
Every hero’s journey needs a map. Relationships are no different. In this version, you’ll find the Mountains of Contempt, the Deserts of Distance, and the Meadows of Repair — all drawn with wit, care, and deep therapeutic wisdom - Beneath its playful, egalitarian tone lies a synthesis of Polyvagal Theory, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) and Relational Life Therapy (RLT). In other words: it’s not just gorgeous to look at and hopefully fun to read — it’s practical.
The Mythical Map helps you recognise:
When your nervous system is in fight, flight, freeze, fix or ventral connection
How your parts protect you (and what they might really be needing)
Where you tend to stand in the relational grid — one-up or one-down, walled off or boundaryless
And how to find your way home to grounded, connected presence
✨ Above is short video introduction by me to the Mythical Relational Map.
It’s a conversation starter, a mirror, and a playful teaching tool — equally at home in therapy rooms, workshops, or on your kitchen table.
🌱 The Youth / Clear English Relational Map
For therapists, couples, families, and young people
At the time I wrote the Mythical Map I wrote the Clear English version — the same relational wisdom, written in everyday language and packed with examples. It’s a few pages longer and designed to be read, highlighted, or discussed in therapy or at home.
If the Mythical Map is a piece of art, the Youth version is the handbook. It brings together:
The nervous system states (Polyvagal Theory)
The parts language of IFS and IFIO — explaining how our protectors show up in relationship
The four relational stances (RLT) — walled off, boundaryless, one-up, one-down
5 Losing and 5 Winning Strategies from RLT
Real-world examples of repair, communication, and courage
It’s perfect for teens, students, couples, and anyone who wants the clarity of plain English while keeping the depth of the work intact. Examples are youth focused, but I’m sure you’ll get them too, even if you’re my age!
🌿— My intro video explaining the Youth Relational Map.
Many therapists are already using it in sessions — inviting clients to locate themselves and track shifts together. It’s been described as “therapy in a nutshell” and “the map I wish I’d had at sixteen.”
🌈 Coming Soon: The Neurodivergent Relational Map
For those of us whose brains dance to a different rhythm
And next — one I’m particularly excited about — is the Relational Map for Neurodivergent Folk.
This version holds all the same relational insights, but through a neurodivergent lens. It’s designed for those of us who are wired differently from the neuronormative — whether we identify with ADHD, autism, AuDHD, dyslexia, CPTSD or other neurotypes — and who experience connection, regulation, and communication in ways the standard models often miss. Most literature is around a neurotypical person with a neurodivegent person, and often is pretty down on the neurodivergent partner. I wanted to be more neuroaffirming and inclusive. Many of us neurodfiferent people chose others with either the same neurotype or a different one, not necessarily neurotypical!
This map draws on the same foundations — IFS, IFIO, Polyvagal, RLT — and integrates tools from Kelly Murgado Willard’s work on nervous system regulation and trauma-informed support for neurodivergent bodies.
Expect to see language that honours sensory differences, processing styles, and the very real relational challenges of burnout, masking, and hyperfocus It’s currently being illustrated by Isaac again (watch this space!) — but already shaping up to be a bridge between the worlds of relational therapy and neurodivergent lived experience.
🧭 Why Maps Matter
Whether you’re sitting in circle, in therapy, or on your own sofa trying to make sense of a conversation that went wrong — having a map helps.
It reminds us that there’s always a way forward. That even when we feel lost, disconnected, or defended, there are paths back to repair.
These maps are not about perfection or performance. They’re about tools and skills and orientation — knowing where you are so you can choose where to go next.
They invite us into curiosity, humility, and humour — three things our relationships always need more of.
📜 How to Get Your Copy
Each version will be available soon via https://www.stroudtherapy.com/resources
The Relational Map (Mythical Edition) – £7 printed and sent to you / £4 digital
The Relational Map (Youth / Clear English Edition) – £5 printed and sent to you / £2 digital
The Relational Map (Neurodivergent Edition) – coming soon
You can also pick up physical copies at IFS Healing Circles in Stroud, Cirencester, and Cheltenham, or you can arrange to pick one up from my home on Lansdown in Stroud.
❤️ Final Thoughts
As Terry Real says, “Love is not a feeling. It’s a practice.” These maps are companions for that practice — reminders that connection is something we cultivate, again and again, with courage and compassion.
Whichever version you choose, may it guide you — gently and playfully — back to the heart of relationship.