What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

There’s plenty of good information about IFS online, including accessible introductions on YouTube—search for Richard (Dick) Schwartz and Derek Scott. I keep an updated list of links on my website: www.stroudtherapy.com.

In essence, IFS starts from a simple, hopeful idea: we are all naturally multiple on the inside—and that’s a strength, not a flaw. You can think of your inner world as a community of “parts”: some are protective and hardworking, others are younger, hurt, or in need of care. IFS helps you build a compassionate relationship with these parts, so they no longer have to carry so much and you can lead your life from a steadier, wiser centre (what we call Self).

Then there’s you.

One of the absolute fundamentals of IFS is that every single one of us has a core Self—and Self is not broken. Self is always there.

The qualities of Self are often described as the 8 Cs:
Calm, Clarity, Confidence, Courage, Creativity, Connection, Curiosity, Compassion.

Dick Schwartz likes his alliteration, so he also adds the P’s: Patience, Persistence, Perseverance, Presence, Playfulness.

And others have suggested still more: presence, flow, wisdom, open-heartedness. Sarah Bergenfield, writing about the autistic Self, includes qualities such as regulation, ease, safety, and aloneness.

We each have our own version of Self, with a unique blend of these qualities accessible to us. I often say: your version of Self is yours alone. Sometimes we meet it as “you, right now”—the age you are, with all your life experience, in your physical body. Sometimes we experience Self as something deeper: the seat of consciousness, a core spiritual Self that feels ageless, timeless, body-less—yet connected with others in some wider field. Dick Schwartz and colleagues often highlight this wider spirituality: my Self connects with yours, and with everyone else’s too.

Self–to–Parts Relationship

In IFS the goal is not to “find” or “chase” Self—it is already present. The work is about unblending: asking parts to give us space, so we can be there. Then we can begin a two-way relationship between Self and parts.

Self is like the sun, with parts as clouds.
Or: the driver of the bus.
The chair of the meeting.
The conductor of the orchestra.
The captain of the spaceship.

From Self, we can get to know our protectors, exiles, and firefighters.

The Three Main Types of Parts

Managers are proactive protectors. They try to keep us safe and looking acceptable, so we won’t be rejected. Examples include:

thinking, analysing, scepticism
inner critic, judge, blamer
numbing, overworking, perfectionism

Exiles are the younger parts who carry burdens from past wounds. They hold pain, shame, or fear. Examples include:

feelings of abandonment, rejection, worthlessness, powerlessness, helplessness
beliefs like “I’m a mistake”, “I’m unseen/unheard”, “I’m a failure”

Firefighters are reactive protectors. They leap in when we feel hurt or vulnerable, working desperately to distract or soothe. Examples include:

rage, fog, dissociation
compulsive scrolling, alcohol or drugs
fantasy, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, compulsive distraction

All of these roles are understandable responses to injury—childhood hurts, trauma, slights, rejections, loneliness. Protectors work hard for us, with good intentions, even if their methods sometimes cause problems.

Legacy Burdens

Alongside personal parts and roles, IFS also acknowledges legacy burdens: rules and beliefs handed down through families, cultures, and societies. These burdens may stem from traumas generations back, carried epigenetically.

Think of the “rules” you live by:

what it means to be a man or a woman
whether you should be self-sufficient or dependent on community
attitudes to money, work, or constant self-improvement

Some burdens we know the story behind; others remain hidden but still shape our lives.

So what’s the point of IFS?

Restoring Self Leadership
To re-establish you, Self, at the centre of your inner system. When Self leads, you bring curiosity, acceptance, and open-heartedness to your relationships—and you invite others’ Self energy to emerge too.
Forming Secure Internal Attachment
To develop a safe, loving bond between Self and your protectors. We meet them with compassion and appreciation, listen to their hopes and fears, and mediate between polarities. Over time, balance and harmony emerge.
Unburdening
Eventually, with the right support, we help exiles release their burdens, and legacy burdens soften too. Protectors relax, no longer forced into extreme roles. The system begins to trust Self leadership. Old hurts feel lighter, and the natural gifts of your parts return.
Spreading Self Energy Outwards
As Self leadership takes root inside, you naturally bring more Self energy into your relationships, work, and community. This can be healing not only for you but for those around you—and even for the wider world.

How do we practise IFS?

Try one of the many free IFS meditations on Insight Timer.
Join a practice group or “buddy up” with someone locally—if you’re in Stroud, get in touch about our WhatsApp Buddy group.
Find an IFS-informed therapist, or join an IFS community drop-in.
Explore the online and Facebook groups for practising and learning.

IFS works best in relationship. We really do need each other: to co-regulate, mirror, validate, and share Self energy. If you’re practising alone, create supportive anchors—light a candle, bring flowers, or hold in mind those who care about you. Remember the wider IFS community is there too, holding collective Self energy.

A Simple Starting Practice

Sit back in your chair. Gently close or soften your eyes.
Turn your attention inward.
Notice: is there a voice, an image, or a body sensation that wants your attention?
Begin a quiet conversation: “Hello, I see you. What would you like me to know?”

Stay with protectors as much as possible, offering warmth and curiosity. If younger exiles appear, send them compassion and reassure them you’ll return later with support.

Always thank your parts at the end, letting them know you’ll be back. Carry some Self energy with you as you leave.

Then perhaps journal, draw, or simply pause to notice how you feel.

This is the heart of IFS: building a two-way relationship between Self and parts. Over time, protectors relax, exiles heal, and you live more and more from Self—curious, compassionate, and connected.